Surely girls have a variety of reasons for engaging in such behavior. Some do it to impress guys, some do it because it's the thing to do, some because they actually enjoy it. For my friends, this sort of activity has been going on for quite some time. At the beginning of high school we discovered that kissing was fun, at the end of high school we discovered that drinking alcohol was fun, and in college we put the two together. My group of pals is predominantly straight and we usually have a fairly steady flow of men around, so the fact that we're approaching twenty-three and still making out with other constantly hasn't seemed like that big of a deal, but maybe it should. I mean, at what point do we call it quits? What happens when our environment evolves but our inappropriate behavior doesn't? Looking into my crystal ball, I am seeing the potential for some highly awkward social situations in the future.
Example 1: Once you hit twenty-one, it becomes more common and acceptable to drink at family functions. And, once you're an "adult", it's typical for the worlds of relatives and friends to intersect. Let's say I'm at my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and I've got a super buzz going. Uncle Johnny accompanies his toast with a beautiful speech honoring five decades of faithful, heterosexual love. Everyone raises a glass, and when Grandpa gives Grandma a sweet, delicate peck on the lips, I turn to the right and devour the mouth of my best friend, who is sitting next to me, and also hammered. The next thing I know, everyone is screaming, Grandma has fainted, there is a hand print stuck to my cheek from where my mother slapped me, and the overly pious Aunt Debbie is dousing me with holy water.
Example 2: Perhaps by some unforeseen miracle I have determined myself capable of a commitment longer than twenty minutes and decide to get married. Family and friends are in attendance, of course, and the ceremony is just lovely. The whiskey I downed to calm my nerves has worn off, and I'm not about to watch everyone else drink the champagne my parents paid for, so I drink a couple flutes. Suddenly it doesn't matter that my brand new husband is nowhere to be found, because two of my bridesmaids are waving at me seductively across the reception hall. A few minutes pass before all of the guests start to wonder what happened to the bride. Two hours later, my husband finds me in a coat closet with my hair disheveled and lipstick smeared all over my face and asks if he should start searching for a job in Utah.
Example 3: I am married with kids. My son, who will obviously be a phenomenal athlete, just finished his first season of little league football, and my family and I are at his team's pool party. I've befriended a few of the other players' moms, specifically the ones who still enjoy beer as much as I do, and we hit the cooler pretty hard. Before you know it, I'm in the deep end playing tongue-hockey with the coach's wife while the other parents gasp and frantically shield their kids' eyes.
These examples are just off the top of my head, and simply imagining the awkwardness of each one makes me grimace. I don't think my high school or college behavior has been wildly inappropriate, but I'm fairly certain the frequency of same-sex make-outs are expected to fizzle by your early twenties. The trouble seems to always stem from alcohol, so if I cut out the drinking, it should be a piece of cake. Unfortunately I love drinking, and I've never been a fan of cake.
No comments:
Post a Comment